Canada to build border wall, demand Elon Musk pay for it

 OTTAWA, CANADA, Nov. 6 -- Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced this morning that he will work closely with the Canadian parliament to rush building a wall along the country's border with the United States to halt the mass immigration to Canada of American leftists, journalists, and celebrities fleeing after Donald Trump attained victory in the American presidential race.

Coming to a Canadian border near you

The prime minister, noting that Canada's immigration web site had crashed in 2016 as American liberals panicked, said that action to stop the Americans' looming, illegal border crossings was urgently needed. 

"We cannot accept large numbers of American, left-wing sore losers coming to Canada just because the Donald Trump will be the next president, even if Elon Musk, world's wealthiest man, will take charge of slashing the scope and size of the American government," Prime Minister Trudeau told a chapter meeting of retired Royal Canadian Mounted Police. "Anyone caught crossing into Canada without authority will be deported."

Loves American leftists, in America

"To that end," the prime minister continued, "I will go to Parliament tomorrow to ask funding to build a wall along the entire border of the United States and Canada, including with Alaska, to prevent mass, illegal immigration of angry mobs of Lefties from coming here.

"Yes, that distance is more than eight thousand, eight hundred kilometers and the wall will be fantastically expensive, but it must be done."

Asked how much money the project was expected to cost, the prime minister responded, "President Trump campaigned that he would wall off Mexico, three thousand, one hundred kilometers, at a cost of ten billion dollars, so do that math yourself. Not cheap. But don't worry because I am going to get Elon Musk to pay for the wall."

"How are you going to do that?" asked a reporter.

"I've got a plan," Prime Minister Trudeau replied. "It's a great plan, a fantastic plan, really. Best plan ever. Huge ideas about that, huge. You'll see."

Just when they said things couldn't get worse ...

The perfect summary of American politics

Before Facebook were giant statues

This is true. I saw it on Facebook. Heck, I posted it on Facebook, so it is double-plus-good true!

Rum, water and the US Navy

The U.S.S. Constitution ("Old Ironsides") is the oldest ship carried on the active roll of the US Navy. It was launched in 1797 and is not only the oldest ship in the US Navy, it is the oldest commissioned naval vessel of any navy.

As a combat vessel, Constitution carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers).

However, let it be noted that according to her ship's log, "On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."

Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."

Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.

Then she headed for the Azores , arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.

On 18 November, she set sail for England . In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships, salvaging only the rum aboard each.

By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland . Her landing party captured a whiskey distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.

The U. S. S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum,no wine, no whiskey, and 38,600 gallons of water.

The account reminds me of an old joke from WW2: A Marine home on leave from Guadalcanal was telling a young lady he had just met how tough it was. "The Navy ran off and left us and we didn't have any food. We had to eat Japanese rations we captured. We were dying of thirst because we had drunk all the Japanese beer we had captured, and had to slake our thirst with a limited supply of captured sake."

She said, "But surely you had lots of water, right?"

"Oh, yeah," the Marine said, "water was everywhere. It rained all the time. But no one had time to take a bath!"

When lawyers advertise cinnamon buns

I personally took the photo.

An open letter to the IRS

My annual post:

American self reliance

... comes to the rescue: "With Government Shut Down, Citizens Forced To Interfere In Their Own Lives"

The King now and evermore

"You can pick your friends ...

"... and you can pick your nose ..."

"... but you can't pick your friend's nose!" Well, it seems you can.

Federal contracting explained simply

The mayor of a small town in a middle America state had a problem. The old bridge, which was the only way out of town, was in a state of disrepair and needed to be rebuilt.

So he called in three contractors to bid on the job: one from Cincinnati, one from New York, and one from Washington, D.C.

"$3 million," said the man from Cincinnati. "$1.5 million for the supplies. $1.5 million for the labor."

Next, the Mayor met with the New York contractor, and asked him: "How much to build the bridge?"


"$6 million," said the New Yorker. "$3 million for the supplies. $3 million for the labor."

Finally, the Mayor brought in the contractor from Washington D.C., and asked him: "How much to build the bridge?"

"$9 million," said the man from Washington.

"$9 million," the Mayor repeated, aghast. "That's three times more expensive than the lowest bid. How do you break that down?"

"Easy," said the Washingtonian. "$3 million for you. $3 million for me. And $3 million to hire the guy from Cincinnati."

Mondays.

Yeah, they can be like that.

Time for a laugh break

Funny Work Cartoons to Get Through the Week | Reader's Digest

27 more at the link.

One day in a hospital in Glasgow

An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims:

Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face; 
Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
painch tripe or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy 
o' a graceas lang's my arm.

The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into:

Some hae meat, and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.

This continues with the next patient:

Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering brattle.
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle!"

"Well," the Englishman mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."

"Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the Serious Burns Unit."

HT: Marc Danziger

Out of nowhere!

The faint sound of fireworks

True this:

This is impressive fireworks:

Top Ten Reason Mattis Should Be President

Via email from S. M. Saintsing, author of the outstanding novella, Winter Three:

Think of all the bennies we would get if Secretary of Defense and retired US Marine General James Mattis became president. Don't worry about how it might happen, just relish the idea:

1. The Secret Service would no longer need to protect the President from the crazies.  Instead, the Secret Service would have to protect the crazies from President Mattis.
    
2. The use of PowerPoint would be a federal crime.
    
3. Bipartisan gun legislation will finally be passed. All persons purchasing a gun will be required to watch a video of President Mattis pleading with them, with tears in his eyes, not to misuse their weapon, or "I will kill you all."  Following that, President Mattis explains proper sight alignment and sight picture.  Gun crime goes down, marksmanship goes up!
    
4. President Mattis' would turn ISIS into WASWAS because his daily schedule would read: 
1. Breakfast:  Kill ISIS
2. Morning: Kill ISIS
3. Lunch: Kill ISIS
4. Afternoon: Kill ISIS
5. Dinner:  Kill ISIS
6. Evening entertainment: Kill more ISIS
    
5. President Mattis would never get a 3 a.m. phone call. Instead, Chinese President Xi Jinping’s phone would ring at 3 a.m. with North Korean psychopath Kim Jong-un complaining that President Mattis keeps him awake at night.
    
6. White House press briefings now with 100% more knife hands.
    
7.  The verb "to kill" would be replaced in the dictionary with "to Mattis" after the US military Mattised all our enemies ushering in Pax Americana for hundreds of years.
    
8. Congress would pass a budget after President Mattis says “I’m only going to ask you once.”
    
9. The White House bowling alley would be replaced with the White House shooting range, open to the public.
    
10. The presidential limo would be replaced with an up-armored HMMWV with President Mattis riding in the turret manning the dual .50 cal.

Mattis for president?

This alone justifies his candidacy:

Ooh-rah!

Humor break

Actual Exchanges Between Airline Pilots and Control Towers… These Are Priceless

I gotcher 'Top Gun 2' plot previews rat cheer!

Maverick, the years have not been kind!

'Top Gun 2' Is Happening, And Twitter Is Already Predicting The Plot

Tom Cruise has confirmed that he will make a sequel to 1986's Navy recruiting film, Top Gun. And the Twitter feeds explode in anticipation!

And the winner is: