Canada to build border wall, demand Elon Musk pay for it

 OTTAWA, CANADA, Nov. 6 -- Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced this morning that he will work closely with the Canadian parliament to rush building a wall along the country's border with the United States to halt the mass immigration to Canada of American leftists, journalists, and celebrities fleeing after Donald Trump attained victory in the American presidential race.

Coming to a Canadian border near you

The prime minister, noting that Canada's immigration web site had crashed in 2016 as American liberals panicked, said that action to stop the Americans' looming, illegal border crossings was urgently needed. 

"We cannot accept large numbers of American, left-wing sore losers coming to Canada just because the Donald Trump will be the next president, even if Elon Musk, world's wealthiest man, will take charge of slashing the scope and size of the American government," Prime Minister Trudeau told a chapter meeting of retired Royal Canadian Mounted Police. "Anyone caught crossing into Canada without authority will be deported."

Loves American leftists, in America

"To that end," the prime minister continued, "I will go to Parliament tomorrow to ask funding to build a wall along the entire border of the United States and Canada, including with Alaska, to prevent mass, illegal immigration of angry mobs of Lefties from coming here.

"Yes, that distance is more than eight thousand, eight hundred kilometers and the wall will be fantastically expensive, but it must be done."

Asked how much money the project was expected to cost, the prime minister responded, "President Trump campaigned that he would wall off Mexico, three thousand, one hundred kilometers, at a cost of ten billion dollars, so do that math yourself. Not cheap. But don't worry because I am going to get Elon Musk to pay for the wall."

"How are you going to do that?" asked a reporter.

"I've got a plan," Prime Minister Trudeau replied. "It's a great plan, a fantastic plan, really. Best plan ever. Huge ideas about that, huge. You'll see."

Before Facebook were giant statues

This is true. I saw it on Facebook. Heck, I posted it on Facebook, so it is double-plus-good true!

It was 52 years ago today . . .

It was fifty-two years ago today
Sergeant Pepper taught the band to play
They've never gone out of style
And still guaranteed to raise a smile ... .

The Beatles' landmark album, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, was released in the United States 52 years ago this day, June 2, 1967.

Its cover has become acclaimed as the most iconic album cover ever, featuring cardboard cutouts of historical figures surrounding the Fab Four, who are the only live persons in the camera's view.

But not every cutout was used. At the last minute, the cutout of Jesus was set aside, out of frame view. And so was one other figure. And when he heard about it later, boy, was he mad!

Here is the album on YouTube.

Mixing politics and religion

It's satire - but I know a lot of people who actually seem to think this.

Olympic Committee's new tie breaker for flag carrying

Reuters: "Denied U.S. flag with coin toss, Davis snubs ceremony"

PYEONGCHANG, South Korea (Reuters) - American speed skater Shani Davis will not march at the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics opening ceremony after losing out on a coin toss to carry his country’s flag, a U.S. spokesman said on Friday. ...

The flag-bearer is chosen by a vote of the eight U.S. winter sports federations but the vote was tied 4-4 between Hamlin and Davis, and a coin was used to break the tie, in keeping with USOC rules.

In his tweet, Davis added the hashtag “BlackHistoryMonth2018”, suggesting racial bias was involved.

Today, the US Olympic Committee, in a desperate bid to ensure continued support for the Olympic teams by American Social Justice Warriors, announced that henceforth all ties to carry the flag or any other honor would be broken by awarding the honor to the athlete who could answer three questions without being cast bodily into a chasm of eternal flame.

.

Do they want zombies?

Because this is how we get zombies:

A Controversial Trial to Bring the Dead Back to Life

And it's in Scientific American, no less!

But in one study expected to launch later this year, scientists hope to use stem cells in a new, highly controversial way — to reverse death.

The idea of the trial, run by Philadelphia-based Bioquark, is to inject stem cells into the spinal cords of people who have been declared clinically brain-dead. The subjects will also receive an injected protein blend, electrical nerve stimulation, and laser therapy directed at the brain.

The ultimate goal: to grow new neurons and spur them to connect to each other, and thereby bring the brain back to life.

"They waited to long to start the undead treatment!"

ISIS denounces Kathy Griffin

Read more.

Katy Perry forces Middle East Peace!

More here.

Trolling United Airlines

Funny, but fake.

Remember these Internet hoaxes?

Good times, good times:

Our next door neighbor was made ill recently when he ordered a bucket of fried chicken from KFC. One of the pieces of “chicken” was actually a fried rat. He was home recovering this week when he went to sleep.

When he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN! He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" But he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he opened an e mail entitled "Join the crew!"

He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls around. His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers get together and distribute the $600 Nieman Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates. 

(It's true—I read it all last week in a mass e mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the email to everyone I know.)

Our poor neighbor tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but reaching into the coin return slot he got jabbed with an HIV infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital, in fact, the actual hospital of that little boy who is dying of cancer—you know, the one whose last wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e mail and the American Cancer Society will get a nickel for every e mail he receives.

(I sent him two e mails and one of them was a bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel. If you get it and forward it to twenty people you will have good luck, but if you send to only ten people you will only have okay luck and if you send it to less than ten people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along without his lights on. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation. And it's a little known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark Ages.

A Soviet spy on how to meet a dating-site match in person

Dating sites are being used more and more as "come so we can rob you" scams.

Sacramento police warn of social networking robbery trend

SACRAMENTO, CALIF. -- Sacramento police say at least 10 men have been robbed in recent weeks after arranging to meet women through online social networking sites.

The police department is warning people to beware of the criminal trend. In a news release Friday, officials say people have been robbed in at least 10 separate incidents in the capital city in recent weeks.

In each case the male victim reached out to a woman through a networking site to set up a date. The victim arrived only to be confronted by male suspects, usually armed.

I have no use for dating sites myself, being very happily married for barely under 37 years, but I have known men and women who used them, including persons older than me, and a couple of couples who married.

But, thanks to my training at the Army's counter-terrorism school and former Soviet spy Victor Suvorov's explanation of "fieldcraft," the steps that espionage agents take to avoid capture while spying on and in hostile countries, here are the rules for meeting anyone whom you have not met in person before:

1. Try to get a photo sent to you beforehand. The sticky wicket is providing one back. In a word, no. But if you are meeting someone from a dating site, this can be difficult. Judgment call to ask. But it is also likely that the other person's social media, perhaps even the dating site itself, will have one. But be prepared for it to be, um, inaccurate or out of date.

2. Do insist on being fully told how you will recognize the other person - what s/he is wearing, color of hair, does s/he wear eyeglasses, height, weight (yeah, good luck with that, guys), etc. Of course, your date will ask the same of you, so give a description back. Then when you go to meet, wear something else. If robbers are using these sites to lure you there, you do not want to show up looking like you.

3. Arrive very early. Suvorov wrote that he always arrived a few hours before the set time, found a spot away from the meeting place and keenly observed who came and went, especially those who came and didn't went. Of course, he was stealing military secrets so you don't need to arrive hours, plural, early, but one hour. And then watch. I am guessing that thugs will get there 15-20 minutes beforehand, so be alert, as Suvorov was, for men who arrive and seem to have no purpose being there. In other words, they look like they are waiting.

4. That means you should always insist on a very public place as a meeting place, such as a cafe with a lot of customers. Do not go forward with the meeting, period, if the other person will not agree. That's it, you're done with him or her.

5. If your meetup has not arrived by 10 minutes after the meeting time, say sayonara. Leave. True, s/he may be legitimately delayed but that's the risk s/he takes. If the meeting time comes or is close you may get a cell phone call from him/her. Do not answer it, do not even take it out of your purse or pocket; it may be bad guys scanning to see who answers a phone exactly when they call (your phone is on silent, right?) Once the 10 minutes has passed and you've departed the area, you can check to see who the call was from.

6. Ask a reliable friend (or 12!) to accompany you or arrive about 15 minutes early. When you are across the street from the meeting place, drinking coffee with a friend, it makes it less likely that bad guys will ID you as their target. But in fact s/he is helping you reconnoiter.

7. If your date arrives as scheduled, don't go there. Observe what s/he does, especially making eye contact a few times with the same people nearby. Look to see who around him/her seems interested in what s/he is doing, too, especially if they seem to examine persons of your sex who approach her or him.

8. If warning signs are absent, go to the meeting site with your friend walking with you, but s/he peels off about 30 feet before getting there and departs. If the meeting is legit, there is nothing else for him/her to do and if it is a robbery setup, s/he needs to get out anyway.

I know this sounds paranoid, but it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you. Hopefully you'll will only have to do it once. I would say that men are more likely to be victimized because in addition legitimate dating sites there are infamous sites like Ashley Madison that promise sex. (Remember the huge scandal when that site's database was hacked and made public? Practically none of the 30 million-plus users were women. As a young lady told me last week, when someone says online that she is a girl, be prepared for "girl" to mean, "Guy In Real Life.")

US Army tortures Taliban prisoners most cruelly

The US Army Criminal Investigation Command is investigating torture of Taliban and other jihadist prisoners in the Army's custody, according to sources in the command.

The inhumane techniques are said to fall under the general category of "PowerPointing." As an example, Taliban prisoners were given a full, American Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings, then were told they couldn't sleep it off until after they had explained this slide to interrogators:

In a report titled “For the Greater Good,” PowerPointing is defined as “forcing a subject to view a series of PowerPoint slideshow presentations to the point of exhaustion, thereby making it possible to gain answers or information from the subject.”

According to the report, interrogators used the technique to deal with uncooperative or belligerent prisoners.

“PowerPointing is torture, plain and simple,” said lead investigator Hugh Johnson. “Even though we’re dealing with people who are often terrorists plotting against the United States and our allies, we can’t stoop to their level.”

Johnson said Army interrogators collected PowerPoint presentations from their unit’s training officers. Presentation topics included fraternization, sexual harassment, and motorcycle safety.

This is cruel beyond all humanity. Asked of the report, White House spokesman Sean Spicer reiterated President Trump's endorsement of torture, including waterboarding, as legitimate tools in wartime interrogations.

"But the president told me this morning that PowerPointing can never be justified," Spicer said. "Beating them on the bare soles of their feet with rubber stanchions, that's okay. Auto-battery electric shocks? Fine. But PowerPointing? Sickening, just sickening. Must be stopped."

Defense Secretary James Mattis' office released a statement that he was actively considering taking this step in response to the report.

Trump may yank Mattis nomination

Gen. James Mattis showing his "Don't cross me on this" face.

NEW YORK, N.Y., JAN 9 -- President-elect Donald Trump may cancel his nomination of retired US Marine General James Mattis to be secretary of defense, according to knowledgeable sources inside the Trump transition team.

"The president-elect still  has the highest respect and admiration for General Mattis," said a source in the transition team, speaking anonymously. "But certain conditions that the general has just announced out of nowhere seem unreasonable. I use 'condition' loosely, they are more demands."

Asked what those conditions are, the source responses, "Well, the general said that President-elect Trump must read a list of books before Mattis meets with him the first time once he is confirmed."

We contacted Gen. Mattis's office for clarification, where this demand was confirmed. Apparently, Gen. Mattis has sent Mr. Trump a list of 6,000 books that Mattis said was "the minimum number needed to be even barely conversant with national-security and military matters."

Among the titles included are

“No True Glory” by Bing West, “Battle Ready” by Tom Clancy, Sun Tzu’s “The Art of War,” ten of the most difficult books to read of all time, and The Bible.

The political transition staff, however, was assigned to complete only four coloring books.




Disclosure: I ripped off a piece on Duffelblog for this. 

Why is this man laughing?

For more than 40 years, Esquire magazine featured this photo of Richard Nixon in its annual Dubious Achievements section, accompanied by the headline, "Why Is This Man Laughing?"

Photo taken at the moment Richard Nixon learned
he had clinched the 1960 Republican nomination.

So who is laughing now?

Why is this man laughing? Maybe he saw the video below.

Canada to build border wall, ask Trump to pay for it

OTTAWA, CANADA, Nov. 9, 2016 -- Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced this morning that he will work closely with the Canadian parliament to rush building a wall along the country's border with the United States to halt the mass immigration to Canada of American leftists and celebrities fleeing after this week's election of Donald Trump as president of the United States.

Coming to a Canadian border near you

The prime minister, noting that Canada's immigration web site had crashed as American liberals panicked, said that action to stop the Americans' looming, illegal border crossings was urgently needed.

"We cannot accept large numbers of American, left-wing sore losers coming to Canada just because a former Democrat won their presidential election," Prime Minister Trudeau told a chapter meeting of retired Royal Canadian Mounted Police. "Anyone caught crossing into Canada without authority will be deported."

Loves American leftists, in America

"To that end," the prime minister continued, "I will go to Parliament tomorrow to ask funding to build a wall along the entire border of the United States and Canada, including with Alaska, to prevent mass, illegal immigration of angry mobs of Lefties from coming here.

"Yes, that distance is more than eight thousand, eight hundred kilometers and the wall will be fantastically expensive, but it must be done."

Asked how much money the project was expected to cost, the prime minister responded, "President-elect Trump campaigned that he would wall off Mexico, three thousand, one hundred kilometers, at a cost of ten billion dollars, so do that math yourself. Not cheap. But don't worry because I am going to get America to pay for the wall."

"How are you going to do that?" asked a reporter.

"I've got a plan," Prime Minister Trudeau replied. "It's a great plan, a fantastic plan, really. Best plan ever. Huge ideas about that, huge. You'll see."

Sorry.

Has voted Democrat in every election ever

Yes, not only are the dead registered to vote Democrat, a lot of them cast ballots. Why would lifelessness stand in the way of progressive values?

And now some breaking news:

The rolling wreck that is American politics

Shamelessly ripped off from the invaluable American Digest.

Apple Computers to be sold like Glocks

In the memorial to the slain Dallas police officers, President Obama said,

Outraged at this unacceptable situation, Apple Computer CEO Tim Cook announced that beginning Aug. 1, all teenagers and adult customers of Apple computers and devices will be able to buy Apple products as easily as they can buy a Glock pistol.

"It will be very simple," said Cook after touring the Glock factory in Smyrna, Ga. "From now on Apple products will be sold to teenagers using the same criteria used for them to buy a Glock. It's only fair and I am sure the president will agree."

Apple's press release summarized the new purchasing rules as follows:

1. No straw purchases: Any person who attempts to solicit, persuade, encourage, or entice any Apple dealer to transfer or otherwise convey an Apple product other than to the actual buyer, as well as any other person who willfully and intentionally aids or abets such person, shall be not be allowed. 
2. Furnishing a computer to a Minor - No Apple dealer will sell or give an Apple product to a person under 18 years old. All purchasers must sign a statement before the sale that they will not sell, give or otherwise transfer the computer to a Minor.
3. Apple dealers must complete and have the buyer sign Apple Form 4473, Computer Transaction Record. 
4. The dealer must verify the identity of the buyer through a government–issued photo identification. 
5. No Apple product will be sold to any person who is not a legal resident of the state where the sale occurs. Purchases may be made online but the product must be personally picked up by the buyer in the buyer's legal state of residence. Before transferring the computer to the buyer, all procedures stated herein must be in compliance.
6. No Apple device may be sold to any person who has previously been convicted of or previously entered a guilty plea to one or more of the offenses of murder, armed robbery, kidnapping, rape, aggravated child molestation, aggravated sodomy, aggravated sexual battery, or any felony involving the use or possession of a computer and who shall have on or within arm's reach of his or her person a computer during the commission of, or the attempt to commit:
1. Any crime against or involving the person of another;The unlawful entry into a building or vehicle;
2. A theft from a building or theft of a vehicle;
3. Any crime involving the possession, manufacture, delivery, distribution, dispensing, administering, selling, or possession with intent to distribute any controlled substance
4. Any crime involving the trafficking of cocaine, marijuana, or illegal drugs.
7. The dealer must contact local law-enforcement offices (LEO) to ensure that the buyer is not disqualified from buying or possessing a computer. A dealer may not transfer a computer unless the dealer receives a “proceed” response, or three business days have elapsed since the dealer contacted the law enforcement office. A dealer may not sell a device when a “denied” response is issued by LEO.

"These are only common-sense measures," Mr. Cook said, "and they will make sure that every teenager, especially in Chicago, Detroit, Baltimore and other Democrat-administered cities in America, will find it no  more difficult to get their hands on an iPhone or MacBook Pro than on a Glock." 

EU to UK: Get out!

THE European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker has given Britain its marching orders after the British people voted to leave the European Union.

Talking from Brussels after an emergency meeting with EU leaders, Mr Juncker told Britain the other 27 member states wanted to negotiate its exit plan “as soon as possible, however painful this process will be”.

Sort of like this: