Think of all the bennies we would get if Secretary of Defense and retired US Marine General James Mattis became president. Don't worry about how it might happen, just relish the idea:
- The Secret Service would no longer need to protect the President from the crazies. Instead, the Secret Service would have to protect the crazies from President Mattis.
- The use of PowerPoint would be a federal crime.
- Bipartisan gun legislation will finally be passed. All persons purchasing a gun will be required to watch a video of President Mattis pleading with them, with tears in his eyes, not to misuse their weapon, or "I will kill you all." Following that, President Mattis explains proper sight alignment and sight picture. Gun crime goes down, marksmanship goes up!
- President Mattis' would turn ISIS into WASWAS because his daily schedule would read:
- Breakfast: Kill ISIS
- Morning: Kill ISIS
- Lunch: Kill ISIS
- Afternoon: Kill ISIS
- Dinner: Kill ISIS
- Evening entertainment: Kill more ISIS
- President Mattis would never get a 3 a.m. phone call. Instead, Chinese President Xi Jinping’s phone would ring at 3 a.m. with North Korean psychopath Kim Jong-un complaining that President Mattis keeps him awake at night.
- White House press briefings now with 100% more knife hands.
- The verb "to kill" would be replaced in the dictionary with "to Mattis" after the US military Mattised all our enemies ushering in Pax Americana for hundreds of years.
- Congress would pass a budget after President Mattis says “I’m only going to ask you once.”
- The White House bowling alley would be replaced with the White House shooting range, open to the public.
- The presidential limo would be replaced with an up-armored HMMWV with President Mattis riding in the turret manning the dual .50 cal.
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